The Moon in My Cup

** With the moon in my cup.

I look up.

And all the hurt in my heart

Ripples out in the dark.

Pain doesn't travel that far. 

Or survive out of heart...

If the canopy spread wide above could catch my vibes,

Would it bend out of mercy?

Or repel all my cries?

I can't tell from my place, or the moon and its face,

I can't see a droplet out there,

Do they even care?

Each staring orb seems still as

My chest shakes

in its ache

for some sign to appear

But, oh, it's

A relief to know-

The Sustainer that placed the moon for reflection

And all the canopies layered high for protection

These creations feel nothing of my losses

Not one sigh will change their orbits and their courses

The One who Knows my pain,

Can Hold Up the galaxies,

me.

the tea.

My now

Overflowing cup.

There is Mercy

In these tears

So

Look up. Look up.

Chickn n' Biscuits (Your Stranger Friend 2)

Chickn ' biscuits

Because buffaloes can't fly.

Or maybe it's beefaloes, and they can....?

But you won't question why.

And a piccolo makes a trickling river go -
"Oh! That feels like a tickle on my neck!"

But you can't connect the two,
And so end up playing a pickled tune!

Leave the stink bugs in their places.

Send all book covers on vacation.

Read amongst the lily lies,
And flitter over alibis-

Wallabies meet their enemies - the bees,
And end up talking in the trees.

I'm glad they made their peace.
I was worried decades deep.

Bees always stung, but wallabies swung tails,
And both of them failed in their aggression-

Oh! Hey!
I have a suggestion.

Take all your hate and grate it on a leftover Mcsalad regurgitated by maggots,
Then bag it on a tractor and bury it in the entrails of a velociraptor where each molecule will burn from a sludgy gooey fuel...

Won't that be so cool?

Let's do this all together.

I think that might be better.

By barfing on each other's backs,
And messing up our tracks,
And disguising each other as clowns...
We prepared the other to drown
Into the lake
Of hate.

I don't choose that way.
Most of us don't.
Won't.
Shan't.
Shon't!!!

Swing your bat and bunt hate in our direction.
We'll scooper pooper it up!
We may call you out on your pitch,
But friend,
You can count
That we'll root-root-root!
Side by side - with you
in the dugout
Until that fiery sun goes down.




Speaking of fire. ..
Don't get me started on
Charred trash!
Dusted all our faces with their ridiculous ash,

We don't listen to jackals in boxes painted black,
Snapping heads off like Hungry Hippos on steroids
"Knock-knock"
No one can get through to them,
These guys are flying psycho-high on their sins!

No one righteous wants a cold ISIScle
Piercing their already burst lives,

Bullies - that will be the means
To their own demise.

"See you suckers!" We will say.
High fives go around.
Black, white, yellow, and brown,
We'll have a party
We'll have a festival of forgotten hate
And say
"Remember how we all once walked around this orb with just our tools and some furry drapes?"
Pictures passed down-
"Ha! Look how we loved to pick apart the bones on our neighbor's plate."
But we'll celebrate anyway-

The negative and positive
Neutrons and protons
Morons and Kahns, Rons, Haans, and Xians!


Oh, and we'll talk about our masks,
The ones we made for each other,
With plastered strips of fear smeared fingerpaints,
And exaggerated plumes of insane.

And we'll remove them and say
"Know what?
Your name's not that strange"
Your arms aren't branches to hang people by,
You hair - not leaves to smother - to torture or try
You don't have the sensitivity of a tree.
What in the fir cedar country?
You're just HUMAN - like me???


But you haven't heard - we're not so silent about this, you see.

When the wolves terrorize all,
Our leaves are usually the first ones to fall
From their terrible slashes!
Our words shred by their-
Hyena screened extractions
Ripped up stories-
Mostly not reported

When this happens
We go up to the mountains and double-dip a megaphone in a satellite dome
To say:

Hey world!!!
Our hearts aren't that cold!
Don't you know???
Our messages may sound old...but please don't confuse a simple shroom
For that despicable black mold!

Ohhh mannnn
Who needs chickn n' biscuits?
We need more like a feast to feed this peace!
Instead of our efforts being swallowed by the burping bloated beast.

So get your ham-eating woodchucks and Chihuahuas,
I'll get my buffaloes and my butterfly kicks,
Armed with pens-
We'll ride with our books into intellectual conversation
Where the general's orders surrender us with "patience!"
And the rules and regulations give us time for explanations

From weevils to buffalos-
We expose the evils and the swiss cheese holes,
Together,
Listen to the wind against the gaps in our souls.
We work
Together
To plug them up with the knowledge-
The gold.
Together.
We will
Salt no slugs!
Crush no bugs!
Promise to solely beat the existing dust out of our own raggedy rugs...
And walk the earth without a grudge!

And I hope we don't wake the sloths in us up!
I hope we don't digress when we tried our best and let's confess
That these recent depictions are preposterous!
Pretending most rhinoceros' are rhinoplastic surgeons who shoot up using urchins...???


Uhhh that doesn't even happen!

Yeah.
So.
I'm just rapping.
Keep your fingers snapping
In rhythm
To different beats of the heart

Keep it going!
Green boat rowing-
Cows not lowing,
Buffalos -  neither seen them, nor are they tiptoeing

And when you're finished.
Please - 
don't ignore the spinach!....

Because it's good for you!
(Yeah, I brought this back to food.)

Chickn n' biscuits!

Beefing ' Buffaloes!

And as
Your stranger friend,
God only knows,
I could be, too.

Your Stranger Friend

Forget everything you know about Muslims. Erase that word.
From your mind.
Erase images of folded creased materials wrapped in circular fashion on heads or scattered dark images of those with coffee colored skin in the desert. Angry faces you don't know. Angry faces you assume belong on all those who seem Arab or Muslim...or are they the same? Forget all of this. Forget what you were fed. Because it's only what you think you know.
There's a different story.
You're looking at an oyster...focusing only on its shell all rippled and seemingly unbalanced... Unbeknownst to you, within it glows something gorgeous and bright... A pearl - lonely and still.
 Before you back away... Because I dress that way. Or my husband's name sounds strange. Yes, we have friends named Muhammad, but we have friends named Luis, Sarah, and Noah, too. And they're Muslim... Muslim, I say.... But forget those names - connotations cast away.
So let me put it like this.

Picture this.

Instead.


You wake up from sleep. You are searching for togetherness. You are lonely in your heart. It is empty. Those around you worship money, cars, drugs, themselves, a band, or something tangible and replaceable and obsessions take the form of an imbalanced state. You feel sick... You want out of this space. You want truth. You know the earth is billions of years old. You love the science... But this time you want to feel it. Know the Milky Way and be excited like a child when you see a shooting star...dip your toes into the river and let your bones reap the relief felt in this  temporal life, But, little do you know, that your soul aches for home... You want to Love your neighbors...give your all..Bake a cake - get a rake -instead of a passing glint on your heart... Sometimes it's just too much of a bother to care. You're too lazy to care.. And you know that dinosaurs existed... Way before you. So there you have it. You are small already... And that should just be enough to put you in your not so egocentric place...but why do we all feel lost without somebody or something to love???
Even a cold hearted man might snap back "this ain't true"   Though, he sure loves his cigarettes and Jack.

Crap, I've been there before! And then you want to know why people believe... What's the point??!
But emptiness swallows you up and loneliness never felt lonelier. I wanted out of the superficial and fake. I wanted to see the tips of our human race... The roots in my face. The lists of the prophets -

Proof!!! I begged!

prove it to me!

 I'd say to the man with his heart in my hand, and mine in his and a - click click - all puzzle pieces in place. Adam and Eve story suddenly not so literal and laughable but rooted in science and seriousness -  a fable no more -  table turned up to wipe clean smears from these names and false claims from twists in the tongue ...now clearer and nearer to my heart.

Check.
Jesus the messiah? An actual human being?

Check.

 The fact that there were messengers sent to all communities of mankind? Check.

 Moses = a righteous prophet who with God's permission saved the Jews? Check!

 People practicing what they preach ... Flooring me with hospitality and respect from men I have never seen from any other tradition.
Check!.

 Respect for women. CHECK!!!

 Mary having her own chapter in the book I call not mine but ours because it's for you, too. She was tough - never weak... listen to her speak!.

 Check!

 And you don't have to run to the statues or cry at their feet. Any place...  anytime...Anywhere!

 God is closer to you than your life vein. But scary pictures place not in your brain. No depictions  of an old man and the sea. A humble fool God is not. I learned this all... I felt complete. Lined up in a row - all the truths.. Explanations abundant of the paranormal and events appearing abnormal, not  brushed off 'omg it's satan' or 'omg a 'ghost' .
We like to ask questions - we don't cover up what exists. We don't ignore what science shows or what history claims to know. Because this rhythm flows within whatever story you sow. This flows not just in sand,  maybe it eventually came to a final bloom in that land...did you know Ishmael's beautiful descendant lived there - and,  didn't you know some nation would come out of that fact? This story flows from there and across the world. This story was there all along. Some listened- some didn't. God is One. Those who didn't listen forgot... Those who listened went on. Knowledge never came from foolery and fools. Slaves built the pyramids - skilled in hand - oppressed in the land -  I'll call them our brothers and sisters because they refused to worship a foolish man. We pray for the oppressed and we always want what's best... For the other as well as ourselves. When something bad happens we don't cry 'the devil did it' and escape the realities of a balanced earth. Only God has control, yet we have free will. The angels are programmed to worship, but we have multiple chances to learn. Don't think of angels like your ornaments and treasures. Think phenomenon - not
 cherub!

Clear  your mind of past grime. String these pearls in a line...

We don't laugh for no reason, and we are sensitive to others. Look us in the eye and we'll look back. We don't talk smack and we'll say it how it is. Balancing mercy and justice. I hope you soften at the sight of our actions in direct or indirect light. Fully present and aware. The whole universe reflects the truth in this faith. Details lain down to the development of an embryo. Or  mysteries in
space. Not a mystery to me. And the answer isn't just 'God did it... So I give up.' Hurdeehurrr
 No.
Knowing the facts but energized by the divine and theories fly between my eyes as I gaze in wonder. It leaves a poetic print on my brain and heart, but sends the scientist in me out to see the stars.


 This  is not a time line package deal.
"So basically your belief started from this date to this date?" No. I'm saying this idea was always there.. People of the book  knew, and came in crowds to hear the news. Open hearted and open minded to the possibility of a guide. Not disillusioned,, as they always scraped at the past and the clues to the path. Didn't cover up the facts. And when each messenger came they understood why he claimed what he claimed without yearning for fame. The betterment of humanity. Sometimes Shuffled to the side.. Muddled and muffled, attempts were made... In and out of so many ears..

Hey- What will be - will be.
So it finally was completely revealed in this specific land in that year - there's a reason for everything... Even more so in this case. This is a universal puzzle that connects square one's couple among others with the final message place. Get what I'm saying?

We have a solid understanding of God . The names say it so clearly you cannot doubt. Think metaphysics and spiritual but without distractions of a chorus. The Ten Commandments and so much more without feeling like you got jipped...
like 'hey, where's the rest of our story?'

"Why do we need to know these people from thousands of years ago? Clumps of frumpy clothes in moldy time! How  does this relate to my modern life... Aren't you just a reenactment of a past lie?"


No. Last messenger means the last. But it doesn't mean forget. It means you take lessons from the
best teacher in the world ever - I mean, ever! with the best advice and guidelines made clear from the Sustainer...

You now make the colors reflecting off each dew drop glow with your meaningful steps as you move forward in time in technology, art, architecture, and every subject and genre.

 Who doesn't want to learn from the best? From the beginning of time til Ishmael's descendant was given a mission.. The Messiah  made this clear what was to come.  A complete book. A complete message. Knowledge for those who seek it...No missing letters words or accents. For all...in any state... No need to change your cultural face.. And don't we know...Things come slowly to humankind because it takes a while for us to admit our mistakes- to accept and embrace the idea to submit - when all our ego wants is  to walk and talk with arrogance, and not grace. Things came down slowly on purpose for the human race...



So did I mention any camels? Or Saudi Arabia or shariah law? (which btw came later and is a human invention...the human's way of trying to package this uncontainable 'way of life'  - its flexibility, a budding beauty, unraveling layers of meanings and interpretation....into a way of law... Not taking into account the specifications for individuals and situations, but who wants to have an educational discussion - let's not learn anything!!!! But that's besides the point)

These things are surface labels. You are looking through dark lenses, without sensing their pretenses.

Look deeper.
Look under rocks and see a wisdom in how ants march on.
Look under water at how sharks seem full of spite but are actually doing everything... Just right.
Look at how we can't place a platypus in its supposed category... Is it a joke? Are we the smartest? Or is there something else.
Look in your book and ask yourself: what do I believe? Did I read ALL of this? Do I believe every bit?

Because I do.


Then ask yourself... Do I really know this stranger?


If my heart - struck by their words of gold - ached for more...Would I seek the company of this stranger?

If a genuine hand reached out when all other grips failed, would I hold onto ... This kind stranger?

If my tears melted at the softness of its petals to realize there really are no thorns...
Would I fall in love with this stranger?

This stranger.
That's So "strange" to the world.
" The friend I'll possibly never know...."


Introducing. (in my erratically poetic way to say)

Your stranger friend.

Islam



The Messenger of God, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Islam began as a something strange and it will return to being strange, so blessed are the strangers.”

The Olive Tree

Perception and reflection take me back to days when-

blood upon red and brown skin,
whip cracks on the ground,
earth colored with corpses,
screams only heard by the wind.

The forgotten ones - how we've chosen to send them away!

We exile them to our books, to once upon a time...
they live there now and so -

No regret beats down the pride hiding in the hard hearts of men -

When he turns a new page on a distant land -

Where brothers and neighbors let rage set fire to their stage -

Repeating a run of a show that's already been done -

Fight to the death - blame and shame -  who and how had it begun?

"turn thy head" and be gone, once a peaceful 'turn thy cheek'.

See how freedom takes sides as truth dares to speak?

Brothers and sisters...World!
Is this -

humanity?
Or insanity???



In the land of the Prophets.

where
Mercy weeps
and
Remembrance sleeps

in the branches of
the blessed olive tree...

Holding tongue

Oh God...

Make firm and steady my heart!

For these words I may send - flying to the skies!

So help me...capture them in the dark,

Let them not lift off this eager tongue!

They must stay - unsung.

To reflect on what happens to the bee - once it has stung.


So let the night go on.

And this lark.

Shall radiate.

With Silence.

Layers

 (Note: found an old poem I wrote in a book of mine - new poems will be up soon iA...enjoy)



It is said that a broken heart is the best vessel to welcome faith.

Caverns of cocooned space that await,

Where stones have bashed its face,

Silently...

solely waiting for faith to take its place.


I am a person.

I make mistakes.

I'm not unlike a simple caterpillar eating its way through life.

With an appointed time set.

Always under the impression that -
I'm not. there. yet.

Have I prepared for there?

Running away with my thoughts as the dish ran away with the spoon...

Forget about the muse...
Turn off that music...

Muffled my senses - had me crashing into fences...
What was behind each intention?

My mother in law says "dort dortlukken olmaz".

...Nothing is perfect.

Just then...!

a door slams in a face.

Repeatedly.



The old man. Strong iman.
With the bristle brush mustache,
He tells the strange story of his late brother in such a matter of fact tone...
You'd wonder if he ever shed tears - or how many walls he must have built up to cry behind after all of those years...


It's those closest to us that hurt us the most.
A word can be a dagger.
A phrase - a violent shake.
Accusations!
Shoot out into a slew of arrows.
But it's the Silence that sends us over as it just electrocutes the sorrows.


Pain is an unusual time traveler.
Sometimes it simmers to a stop! Or boils until HOT.


Drinking coffee too much? Check.
Dreaming too much? Check.

Instigating double-edged stings while meandering the meadows...
Yes.

And then.
There were.
The Bees.

I could stand in front of their glassed in hive for hours just looking for the queen.
Where was she???
 Deep in their trance. Eyes following their dance.
Noise.
Must be working overdrive.
Circling around.
Press against the capsule to hear a soft buzzing sound.
I'm there. In the crowd.
And so we come to the darkened layer under the hovering hum of anger.

Sadness.

Where to hide it?
Behind the glass wall?
Beyond the horizon?
Through the lock in the closed forevermore door?

And where's the door to reality?
The one I've been thirsting for?


If life has given me a blind eye to saturate its signs...
Would its opposite be obliged to teach me the divine?


The scholars say it's like walking arm and arm in the dark.
Marching forward.
Blindfolded.
Each person assigned to their own pit in which they'll fall to leave their mark.

Death,
the best reminder.

So while you have time... don't ask people why they never helped you.
Ask yourself why you never asked God for help in the first place.

Before reaching in to paint with your own heart's blood,
trust through and through - in what was written down for you...

So now
Deep in my garden
Eye to eye with a butterfly,
Dressed in all its shimmering glory,
Thin powdery wings proving the true strength and length of our story...
Feasting on its reward from the fragrant-filled flowers.
Oh...the parallel of a parable.
How I'm so relieved in what-
was promised is true.
There's no doubt in bloom.
World...you cannot save me...I'm wrapped up in your rooms.

I'm here...

for now....

Sabir...it's soon!


Then there's the flutter in my soul that hopes-
One day,
I, too
Shall fly...

A traveler

She's a sentimental one that looks

through microscopes, under stacks of books,
past plumes of dust, face pressed against floors....

Then DIVES!
Crash!
Against the parade of waves.
Hugs and tugs faraway rocks,
Peers into watered down wells - shouts those names - lungs overwhelmed
Trooper in stride, she hopes
......or maybe she just dwells...

Takes her traveled hands...

Blows a sweet breeze over boiling springs,

Rain ignores her - adores her, then strikes her with lightning,

Waves to fair-weather horizons - bone cold are the skies,

Shrugged off of mountains - left clinging to the sides,

Vertebrae up. Shaken to sighs,

"I must find the rest."

Stuck in this muck of a yesteryear test,

Fumbles through fog, unsure...undecided,

Grapples gazing green jungles - suffocates inside,

Under arm - carries
solid heart.
slips, falls -
fails to crush iced over walls

Searches the world for them all as if she needs to keep leading

Keeps coming near - keeps retracing her tracks - no chips on her shoulder - no weight on her back

Casts off old burdens too heavy for holding.
Throws them off cliffs! "Don't care how you know me!"

Left with the world to distract her.
A distractor. She the reactor.

Alone.

Sun stares right back at her.


She whispers...

"No one wants to ask why the world is balanced by storms.

They simply sit in beached boats buried into the shore...

And if they never want to know -

Then something must go..."


So she pushes past pasts - sprints off the sand
- plunges deep down away from those lost in the lands

Surfaces - A breath! A moment of peace.

Looks to the stars
to reflect on her scars
and what seeps through the skin of her thoughts comes






The Mercy of the worlds.

The one who let go...
Just...let it all go.
Treaded here as a traveler, but kept a sound soul.
As he trusted and knew this was not in his control.


And she feels her fingers loosen their tightly tangled grasp...

the twisted twine

the tangible trials

what turbulent tasks.



Heart echoes thunder -

splinters tear flesh -

slipping her grip -

life rough through the gaps


.


and then the world floats up and up...a marbled balloon once known
and soon it's just...
a speck.
swirls of colors aglow
in a drop...
in her palms that are cupped
now.
let. go.




“Be in this world as if you were a stranger or a traveler.” - Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)

Pulsatilla

[Her] Pulse.
Atilla.
Like a Hun
Charges to fight
Last minute
She may change her mind
and throw herself to the wind - fervent in flight
Droop down to her ground
Lampshade - lights out,
Looking at layers you can't fathom her depths,
No one can pull this weed out of distress,
Pulsing on -
and on she pulses...
Snaps up like a reed,
Seething and mean,
Watch her swiftly go mental!
Plucking and snatching off petals
one by one-
until they're done and then-
her violet center will burst and scatter her curse
becoming her worst 
then crushed underfoot - swept into dirt
trampled by burdens
Open your mouth at this wilted wisp of a girl and
Shhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't you say another word!
Does she need to scream it to be HEARD?
For this flower
is not just a flower
But life
pulsing with hurt.

Blessed is the dark.

Blessed is the dark

for without we wouldn't see the light

Or
A struggle for what's right

with no mistakes...then where's the fight?

And without a fight - how can we win?

Were the waters all shallow - how could we swim?

So swallow the ocean and all within.

Wallow in Purity - witness the Sin.

Wade in the Sour and taste all that is deep in

Sweet...

Sweet Submission.

Be Balanced in what IS your mission.

While your white can subtly shade into muted gray -

Let roar in those stories - the oppressed bruised purples in pain,

Notice the range - the horrifying. the beautiful. the strange. - so do not complain.

For what was generously given to the first one* was not one - but in two...

Fairness in pairs.

Do not despair.

Welcome.

All that is light

and All that is dark.
 






*Prophet Adam



Do men think that they will be left alone on [earth] saying “We believe” and that they will not be tested? Quran (29:2)



“No fatigue, nor disease, nor anxiety, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim (i.e. one who submits to God), even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah (God) expiates some of his sins for that” - Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)

“A strong believer is better and dearer to God than a weak one, and both are good. Adhere to that which is beneficial for you. Keep asking God for help and do not refrain from it. (If you are afflicted in any way), do not say: ‘If I had taken this or that step, it would have resulted into such and such,’ but say only: ‘God so determined and did as He willed.’... - Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)

How It happened.

(Note: to be read aloud 'Dr. Seuss style')


She looked up:

"It needed cleaning.

That heart.

Polishing.
didn't.
work."  






She had wondered as a child

why the people who went to church had smiles

She saw them smile and wondered why,

she wondered why...........................









Oh,
She was happy time to time.

But an easy one to cry.    

Had a hard time with goodbyes.

Unstable-
Not able-
to curb her temper

The cat would snap at a needle prick

and any which word would make her tick

Sensitive and so.............was never told which way to go

Oh a push and a prod and sometimes a nod

but deeper than that welcomed a silent charade.

Twisting and transforming, struggling through-

the years
trying different psychological grooves
...never knew what to do

testing life...sometimes pressing her spine out through her mind.

Smoky haze, wanna blaze?...temporary light that was never truly bright

A motorcycle ride would strike up in her different vibes...

doing anything at odds to keep herself [feeling] alive...

other than that -
what did life matter?
She dreamed of fame and while posing in the mirror would exclaim:
"It's getting late - better grab onto your fate"
and someday maybe she would be
"OH.
SO.
GREAT!"
...........but would she?
She would be famous and it would taste like frosted cake!
Flashing cameras in her face.
Ahhh the ultimate masquarade for the human race!
Had to keep up with her dreams, so with the flick of a light...
She lit up, and let those misleading notes play.... into the night...

But it never got better.
She never got better...
She got sicker and sicker - selfish soul seeking pleasure.

Now.


Just think of all that pressure....

Craving what she wanted, so she took great big dips...and fell many times into soul splitting abyss.

Asking: "Why did I do this, why did I fall?"but self justifying needs when she didn't need them at all!

"Oh the sorrow" she'd say when she thought about tomorrow...
but another day... Oh! There seemed like so many!
 "What of the end? There is no end! -
 to this wonderful life I'm living my friend!"

She thought she was queen - and what of The Unseen?
She only saw what she loved and her love was all vain
Took hours to get ready but she was never ready for change
A mirage of a spark - lost the blue in her flame.
And the others who came and went in her world while she burned
They thrived in it.
Died in it.
and eventually learned.



But they dared not stop her from the fire. (What fire?)

No. Don't want to stop what she's got.

Why stop lightening in action?
All reactions?
She was sizzling HOT.


Yes.


Some liked her for her beauty.

Others for her wit.

but ask about her heart...few knew what to do with it!

Kind here and there
She was 'trying on' sweet
but skipping quite fast to a chameleon beat.

She loved it and hated it.
Up and down - good to bad -
I tell you the extremes would have driven anyone mad!

Shame at her lack of a steadiness knack -
Nervous and timid - truth stripped from her lips -
she never could say the right thing - there was always a slip
...or a flip of the story...
Self. Satisfying. Glory.

Did she feel like the Victor?
Or maybe more like a self inflicted boa constrictor?

 This is the world's rhythm.
But she could never quite grasp
that it hovered and covered her
even when she was relaxed
for the world was her PARADISE
but imperfectly so...
nothing seemed to stay just as it was in her head -

so it drowned her instead.

Even when she was high,
and the sun was up in the sky,
she had to leave the mesmerizing rays behind after some time
 and she never knew why...
"Why can't these dreams stay on task?" she asked.
she wondered and wondered...

 Why the peace did not last.

But it was all the same with those who in which the world was surrounded
they ignored what was faulty - and lived on in the land
and she got to a point -
where she almost could stand it
Forget and forget "yes you can - yes you can!"
...though a whisper or two once in a while would demand:
That she needed an answer!
It was needed and still needed - but no nonononononoNO!

 It never was heeded!

Oh - and it sometimes crunched her to bits!
When someone was mean or she herself blew up in fits -
unexpectedly so (ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?)....
and so-
she couldn't hold back - when those fixed stares - nightmares!
erased her of wits-
("Did you call me a ditz?")
and so (and...so)...........
I look back and I wonder....



what if she never.did.know?



And one day it was the end of her end as a fake.
When truth wants to come out..?
It comes with a rake.
So it rips all your pride and strips you of face
...and shows you the demons that have infested your space.

Bobbing on a tube in her pool (contemplate.)
Normally happy to have been in that state,
Rewinding daydreams in sunshine
Living all in her mind -
Had it not been for a dull ache
that rose from inside...
a wave on the move -
and before she could refuse -
it burst through the door - (if there still was a door!)
and in less than a second she was crying through to the core!
With head hung down low - slung on that single rung....
Tears of guilt spilling until she was sunk
Oh it had been fun! Oh so fun!
To run into the sun - 'til the sun got tired - our toes' tips touching fire
and recklessly wreck up our bodies - twist all the wires!
What felt fine at the time-
wastedtimewastedtime.
Golden hair-golden tan - inverted on the inside.
Ahhhh - a gorgeous whelk that was spoiled - and had spoiled in the sun -
- nothing left to her shell-hell - empty as a drum.
Something with potential, but proving useless in this test.
Feeling the hole in her chest -
She did what was best
and so...

and so...

she finally admitted that she wanted to know.

Was this her?
No it wasn't.
It was painful - but true!
And action had to be taken - before she was through.

There's no burden that is given too much to take
 She had to let go - let it go (NO!)
YES! Admit the Disgrace!
She had made a lot of mistakes.
It was then she could hear the sound of her little heart break.
It sobbed and bobbed in the water - then sank deep in that lake...
letting loose: fracked, cracked, and cruel acts
finally facing the fact -
that she had been one wild train that had run way off its tracks...


Untamed bearing blame - she needed to claim back her name, and far from her mind
was that flash and the fame...

that 'wanting to be wanted'...'loving to be loved'...there was more that was
over. and
under. and
above.

The message descended.
She was delivered some guides -
and under their wings, she opened up inside
Accepting the final piece of the puzzle - most can't place it right
Force fitting nothing wherein was meant for Its Light
Leaving veiled hearts guessing only just slight...

One strong hold of that heart and it was taken on true course.
 It sailed over knowledge, and Truth, and The Books...
Absorbing decree
and the warmth in her cooked

And she never looked back...

she never looked back...!

She dropped the false act,
and she prayed and
she prayed for that monster...to never come back!

What a brave girl she was
you'd have to admit!
it wasn't the norm -
to sense in oneself - the impending storm.
To improve and remove - the greed and grit
To move past her past -  pull her soul right through it

Because Believe Me I swear
THAT HEART WAS SO WORN!
You may have seen her as whole
but inside she was torn
into pieces and pieces not finding the piece
or some peace - just repeats of disbelief - disbelief

*breathe*


And so did start her second morn,
and what a dawn ...
What a dawn.
With the Light on her heart, and Truth at her back
Her heart grew in size...
and is still growing at that.




One day she arrived at a good friend's side
she spoke without the familiar ingenuine disguise-
Not one ounce in her pride,
and she did not crave fame or any kind of a prize
A human at last - she was truly alive


 "You seem at peace."


Surprised, she realized -
Yes! In fact...
She had done what was written.
She had won her heart back.
Lifted up and shaken out of the black -
Void of vanity, spiritual death, and lust,
selfishness, carelessness, anger, and distrust...

It took her a moment...

but she smiled...and shined.


All her life she wanted to be found - but now
what. did. she. find?


The Final Answer to 'Why?'.


and so....

and so....


Someday you too, I hope you will know.





[End of Story]



"There is no God other than You, Glory be unto You!

Verily I was among the wrongdoers."

- Prayer of the Prophet Jonah (Yunus) while trapped in the belly of the whale.



“Those who believe and whose hearts find tranquility in the remembrance of Allah, verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find tranquility.” [Surah Ar-Radd: 28]

“The comparison of the one who remembers Allah and the one who doesn’t is like that of the living and the dead.” - Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) [Sahih Al-Bukhari]





[Start Song]


"When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more sun?

One more sun...



If you can hold on..........If you can hold on..........

Hold on.

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know, no, you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I wanna mean it from the back of my broken hand
Another head aches, another heart breaks
I'm so much older than I can take
And my affection, well, it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no!
Help me out!
yeah You know you gotta help me out!
yeah Oh, don't you put me on the back burner
You know you gotta help me out, yeah...




I got soul, but I'm not a soldier" - The Killers "All These Things That I've Done"






And in the end...I really don't know how It happened. (and so...)
God guides whom He wills...and God knows best.

Hearts Petrified

When doves come to rest on hardened shoulders,

they have many stories to tell,

for up in the sky they know too well,

of earthly paradise and hell,

and they say what needs to be said of what is seen and what is done,

But the iron beneath never cracks nor softens, in ice nor in blazing sun,

The crows - they come too - to caw and cackle in cast ears their death-breath kinds of warnings,

But still and steady the focus stays...no chance in second mornings,

Up above further, past the flocks and flutters - the pens fly across the pages,

Only justice in their duty - Record! Lest the story is decreed to age,

And so the doves return tirelessly until that time - of which there is no doubt,

cooing "look beyond the walls you built of fear and hypocritical grout...

...to succumb to the solution you have been petrified without"


Speckled across the world, caged hearts shriek and squawk in ruffles of remorse:
"Yes! The Olive Tree once green - bleeds greed - go see what it's all about!"


Yet even Truth cannot turn the heads of statues...facing inward - and never out.

Taqwa

The dream took its course down the green and lush brush.

It crept like a vine.

Night fell in a hush (shhh!)...

Rushed!
Gathered up what we could find on the way,
we didn't mind the consequential,
and didn't see the signs.

Then the laughter hurt harder
and lasted longer...
And no matter our fill - we were strangled by constant hunger.

We became just rattling shells in a tangled, chemical space,
draining the pure,
and salvaging waste.

Oh God - put taqwa back in its place.






taqwa* Arabic for 'piety'.





Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, "My parable and that of yours is like a man who kindled a fire. When it has illuminated all around him, the moths and grasshoppers began to fall therein. He tried to push them away, but they overcame him and jumped into it. I am catching hold of your waists ties (to save you) from fire, but you slip away from my hands".

If you want to run...chase Paradise.

We are all philosophers who should say:
 'I am nothing.'




Sudden conversations of the soul:



Sometimes no response - is the response.


Being grateful is crucial to sanity...and believe me - you have infinite blessings to be thankful for.

Don't think deep enough for the anglers to glow...your imagination can grab the wheel and go - think like the horizon and hover over your thoughts with a sharp hawk's eye - spear divergence from truth on the spot.


You do not need to express every thought or feeling at every moment (kinda contrary to what I'm doing now).

My thoughts are vague here - but inside they're clear. Why stencil a circle in public when it's more creative to slap paint on a wall?
Then step back and say 'get the picture?'

When you make Pakistani chai...always bring a sieve with you. Don't consider whale's milk as an alternative to cow's.

It's as Simple. As. That.

Hunger = void that can only be filled divinely.

Don't be suckered into buying hope.

Albert Einstein was not as cool as I thought he was (though we do share a birthday)...the list he made his (ex) wife was pretty harsh. Not all clever people are civil ethical human beings. Knowledge cannot be worshiped - it can only be used!

People don't listen (though they act like they do).

Sometimes you have to focus on the thorns, not the rose.

There are ranks in this world and the next - in this one, each heart varies in its softness/hardness - so do not expect what you would expect from yourself.

Seek people who are consistent, kind, generous and are sincerely trying to model their lives after the messengers of the past (knowingly or unknowingly - I mean, what other solid role models can you base your life on other than those of phenomenal character who humbly proclaimed to have contact with the divine?).

We act like who we love - so love the ones who are worthy.

[However] if you find yourself in different company -
don't leave - stay.
Make more room - show the way.



Yearn not for laughter. Bring the bass down to salam...salam...
Old jokes, however, will always stay funny.
Hey.
Whatddayagonnado?




Life is a struggle no matter what faith you choose...choose one and stick with it, lest you be lost to the masses. But - do not expect to embrace a faith and be suddenly filled with euphoria, instant epiphanies or enlightenment in each moment - life will test you - people will test you - God will test you.

Let them.

How will you take the test? What are your guidelines? How real is the foundation of your actions?
Instant Instinct? Scrambled ideas? Solid belief?
Pascal's Theory?

I will ask my questions!

If there's grime - will you clean it up now and how?


If you believe in truth, do not embody the fake.


Pray for others and ask only for yourself - forgiveness.

Be productive.

Think of others in your life at this moment. What do they need? Are they in need? How can you serve them for God's sake (though, please know - I am no saint).

Don't waste time!

Go to bed early!

Eat your veggies!

Don't bite those nails! (ARGH-just did)


Read books of all genres and subjects!
All which will point 'yes' to The Book.

Do...do...do... So on and so forth like a good little insignificant human.




On another note.

Bring 'it' up close - that 'snail' on Virginia Woolf's wall...
Without the stereotypes...without the images...without the names...




What is that special 'it' about it? 
Really!


"You don't know it, but you need it." (Hanson song...)






Last splatter - (I know we're all thinking..."but why does this all matter!!!!!!!!?")

Can't follow me? Well, follow what you know is the latter.

Plant in the depths compassion for others...despite what they may think of you. Let not their
imaginary chatter, their unspoken words make a ripple in your heart - strive to be the tree rooted in a
Good Word.

Awaken to the existence of the various worlds within the worlds. Ant mounds, beehives, villages, packs, herds, tribes, zones, the planets, your cells...and the most dangerous place to try and survive - your mind.


Breathe it in - enjoy - but remember ticking time.

What has been given has been given. Don't search for what can't be found.


At one point, you'll look back -
don't 
- without a 'bismillah'  (in the name of God)...

And when turned in wonder at the dark side of the moon
Know that -
Darkness upon darkness does not render light.

Carry that weight. March on. Even to struggle your whole life.
We are just servants. Though we may never be just.

Purpose:

Bring out the light...

light
upon
light
upon
light!




Surah An-Nur (The Light)...Ayah (Verse) 35

God is the Light of the heavens and the earth. The parable of His light is, as it were, that of a niche containing a lamp; the lamp is [enclosed] in glass, the glass [shining] like a radiant star:  [a lamp] lit from a blessed tree -an olive-tree that is neither of the east nor of the west  - the oil whereof [is so bright that it] would well-nigh give light [of itself] even though fire had not touched it: light upon light!   God guides unto His light him that wills [to be guided]; and [to this end] God propounds parables unto men, since God [alone] has full knowledge of all things. 

Not a madwoman.

Ramadan Reflection:

Once in a while I wonder...

Do people who I used to know think I've gone mad?

I'm sure they don't think I'm weird because I was always weird...but...

Stop.

...Actually....you know what?

I have to lower my wings and think of it from their point of view without judgement.

I'm sure if all of a sudden some random close friend of mine from HS started dressing up in Hasidic clothing and quoting things from the Talmud and Torah...I'm imagining - yeah...maybe it would shock me. In an instant my brain would create a picture of what that kind of activities that person does, what kind of personality they have, or how they live their life...all based on biased unsound knowledge. I have to realize 'my norm' isn't everyone else's norm. I am part of a growing minority community now...I can't pretend people won't question or shy away from that...

A lot of people now through facebook and other social media probably just get shocked by the visual aspect of my way of life...and maybe some of the spiritual they can understand or probably just ignore (through posts etc.) but...it will only be in meeting me face-to-face that you'll sense the deep rooted positive change I've gone through (God-willing)....

(P.S. Unrelated - I would love to have a Hasidic gal friend...we could totally shop at H&M for long skirts together...this sounds sarcastic, but I'm serious - I kinda wish I had an Orthodox Jewish friend :-) No offense Christian sisters...I have so many of you - trying to balance it out here :-))

Anyways - I'm sure when ppl first saw my pics or heard about my conversion they were like...

"Oh NO! What happened to HOLLY?" *upset/worried*

or: "Dude - Holly became Muslim what the-?" *confusion*

or: "Ok......step away from the freak." *repulsion, rejection, and denial*

or..."She's extreme just stay AWAY!" *fear*


...I am not extreme by the way. I am trying to be extremely BALANCED in this life...that is all.

(Islam condemns extremism fyi).

Or some ppl may think I became Arab or something... just out of ignorance to what Islam is (...Islam knows no colors or race so no I did not get into some freak DNA incident... - I am 88% British Isles 9% Scandinavian and 3% other OKKKKK?)

Just like the Messiah - the Messenger of God - Jesus (peace be upon him) spoke Aramaic...Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) spoke Arabic - and God revealed their scriptures with their own languages so that the immediate people around them could understand the divine messages and so the Messengers could convey them more easily.......so no I do not have ties or loyalty to any Arab state...just as I'm sure most Christians in this country don't consider themselves Israelis because they are Christian and Jesus (peace be upon him) happened to preach in those lands. I am a Muslim (one submitted to the will of God) and I practice a way of life called Islam (submission to God). It is an Abrahamic tradition that considers itself the seal and completion of the prophets, messages, and holy scriptures of Judaism and Christianity.
That's it...all the rest...you know - is just bad media and materialistic fluff (especially the scarf on my head that gets all the attention ha).

Anyways.

My puzzled mind is just trying to wrap itself around the fact that I've...


I've lost touch with some friends. I'm sure not intentionally on their or my part (that's what I try to say to myself). Alhamdulilah (All praises to God) I have a lot of solid friendships here. I mean it makes sense - I live in MD now...most of my old friends live in NY or in other states - it's hard to keep up a friendship - even with all the social media! However, very, very few have stayed in touch. Yes, lifestyle differences - that could be it. People are also 'busy' every time you ask them what's up.
But I'm sure in my situation people must be thrown off by a combination of lifestyle differences and their preconceived notions of Islam. Yeah that makes sense...it's understood. I don't blame them. But hey - if you are reading this...old friend!!! Hello!

I am Holly. I chose a path...not a different identity. I chose a way of life, not a personality switch.

I was the one who wanted to be catwoman in 6th grade on Broadway (and I think to this day Anne Hathaway SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN CATWOMAN...I should've been ha - now, with slight costume alterations of course).

I write poems, sing...do theater, still (when I'm not mothering)!

Ask all my friends who are Muslim or non-Muslim around me and they will tell you ...'she's so random and bubbly'...Does that NOT sound like how I was before?

Don't be scared or thrown off by appearances...or maybe some posts on facebook you just don't get but you know what...that's ok. You don't have to get them. You don't have to like them. I don't think we can 100% 'get' anyone...even our own spouses or family members.

But you must accept.
This is who I am now.
First - I am Muslim.
Then - I am American. I like halal (permissible, clean slaughtered) turkey bacon (with that I make some tasty basil bacon burgers - Diners Drive-Ins and Dives style). I like bbqs. I go camping. I fish. I play guitar. I make some mean Turkish and American food (Come to my house! Gel! Gel!)...I love Jon Stewart<3. I love classic Rock n' Roll. I am a huge Hanson fan (yes - TayHanson4L die hard). I love taking pictures of flowers and nature. I am very interested in animal life, especially marine flora and fauna (ask me what it is...I might know. Example: the other day at a friend's house - her bathroom has all these sea creatures painted on the walls - and I heard my friend's son ask "Is that a stingray?"..to his mom. His mom said "Ask Holly teyze (aunt)" - I took one look "It's a Manta Ray").

Sooo do you guys think I could get my Masters in Marine Biology??? With a  BA in Theater? ...........
(I asked this to my friend who was a Doctor - she laughed) but I say "insha Allah :-)". I am quirky...I am sensitive. I am inspired by many great Muslims out there...Muslim Americans like Hamza Yusuf and Zaid Shakir....Yasmin Mogahed......but don't be fooled by their looks or their names...!
All great people. All sane. All smart. All educated. All American. 

[Being] American isn't just one look or one creed. I am an example of that.
We must open our eyes to different examples. Just take a look at American cuisine (dumplings, kabobs, pizza, tandoori chicken, pasta, burritos...a colorful menu!)
We can't just keep eating the same boiled rice, corn n' potatoes with meatloaf.
America is ever changing. Give it a chance.

However, it goes both ways. Just because Thomas Jefferson had a copy of the Quran or such and such Civil War (or was it WW2?) general said the Quran was a 'good and interesting book' doesn't mean you have to like it, too... I cannot make you like it!
(Thomas Jefferson also liked Mac n' Cheese. Score for me - we now have 2 things in common.)
But being Muslim does have its roots in America and in the American way (turn the other cheek...love thy neighbor as thyself...the golden rule...the 10 commandments? All Islamic values as well)...all the way from the beginning of our history (most slaves brought here were Muslims fyi).

Because I made a change doesn't mean you need to change. My changing is not a judgement on you - even if it may make you feel that way...and I'm sorry if it does.

Just because I don't drink or wear outfits like you (along with any other acts you may think Muslims would disapprove of)...doesn't mean I would judge you if you did!
 Really!
 As Muslims we believe God is The Judge. It's considered backbiting to judge someone else (Muslim or non-Muslim). I try not to do that...(though obviously as a human I do make mistakes). I can try to encourage you to make positive choices in your life -  and I WILL NOT support something you do which is forbidden to me - but guess what? It's just forbidden TO ME - if you aren't Muslim - feel free to go ahead and live by your own rules (whatever those may be or whatever you base your morals on) - but I cannot judge you or your actions - that is up to God.

Back to the pt.
Maybe some old friends DO understand. In their hearts perhaps there's a sort of...'at least she chose a path' subconscious thought. Maybe  it's evident to them that others around them don't know what path they are even on. Some people are just surface followers of a religion...or just floaters - giving and taking with what comes their way - giving into the trends, accepting traditions without questioning the meanings behind them, not thinking of others...not thinking of how this world will end......some old friends may recognize the deep seriousness of that reality and the lightness, clarity and strength Islam has given to me. God knows best.



When I say: "I know the truth"...it's not an arrogant statement - though it may come across as harsh.

Muslims don't think they are better than you. They just want what is better for you (sincerely, genuinely, humbly).




 I shouldn't even be caring what other people think. I haven't until this pt. so why should I start now?....

I guess I just wanted to acknowledge that...'Holly becoming Muslim' has been the super HOT PINK elephant in the room for the past couple of years, and I'm sorry to friends, family, and foe alike for not coming out and saying something - and yet expecting you all to tag along for the ride and just 'understand'. It wasn't and isn't fair. <3
So of course you must've have come up with your own suspicions about me.....granted.


This 'Am I mad?' mentality reminds me of the time when the Final Messenger of God was almost starting to believe in his opposition's accusations. He was thinking to himself "Am I mad? Am I crazy?...Are they right?"...poor man. It had been a while since the archangel Gabriel had visited him with the revelation from God...so his enemies had started to taunt him, and as a result he had started to doubt himself.

Humans!
We are so convincing...we use the illusions of this world to our benefit and ultimately to our own destruction! Ah, but it is God who gives the final word...the affirmation...

Surah Al Qalam  (The Pen).

"By the pen, and what they inscribe,
You (O Muhammad) are not, by the favor of your Lord, a madman.....
 And verily, for you (O Muhammad) will be an endless reward.
 And verily, you (O Muhammad) are on an exalted standard of character.
 You will see, and they will see,
 Which of you is afflicted with madness.
 Verily, your Lord knows better, who (among men) has gone astray from His Path, and He knows better those who are guided.
 So (O Muhammad) obey not the deniers,
 They wish that you should compromise (in religion out of courtesy) with them, so they (too) would compromise with you. "

So there you have it. I am not mad - my friends and my foes.

Nope. Not mad.

May God protect us from the deception of others....from any doubt in His Wisdom...from our carnal desires and from evil whispers....

I want to make a shout out to all my friends and foes of the past and just say:

Peace and blessings be upon you!!! <3 <3 <3

-Holly (Holls) (Hollster) (Holl) (Kitty) etc. etc. etc. !!!

“Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come , come.” - Mawlana Jelaluddin Rumi

Clean Paper

Wake up serene.

Like a fresh sheet of paper

not a dot of an ink blot stain to hide.

Thank God cleanliness survived!

As the daylight heat burns on,

I start to feel the prickly sting,
so I start to sing... the familiar song.

The scale then tips,
once the words spill off my lips.

Where have I gone?

The echo strong.

Much beauty - there is
in being wrong.

War with the Nafs

You would love me to love this dunya...wouldn't you?

Desire it.
Miss it.
Cling to its memories.

At the core, in the magma...I'm sure there's burning fire.

and if I give into the lie...?

If I give into the lie....



My heart gets twisted in...

like a reluctant grin,

I've already seen the clown show,

So do I know where I'll go?

When the colors swirl together in that rush

Do they bring me back home?

Or do they drift me up into the breeze...

Instead of praying on my knees.

Today it's a 'give in' -

Tomorrow repentance.

How can I win?

How can I win?

Inside reminds - Be constant and upright!!! Be constant and upright!!!

Slay the dragon with remembrance

not with a mental fire fight!

Exchange the love that is temporary

for a love that is everlasting!

For if the plague takes over

the sick soul won't know it's over

And if I say The All Knower knows best

why am I doubting all the rest? (Yes!

So take your head out of the clouds of this world

and place your feet in paradise!)

If God wills me to accept this life of sacrifice,

and reject with sincerity the illusions you provide,

I can say I won you over before my demise.

For the Heart to Become Clear and Soft...

"Give life to your hearts by laughing rarely, and purify them with hunger, for they will thereby become clear and soft. " Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him)

RAMADAN POEMS...Ramadan Mubarak...!


A New Light


You cannot bend back the sunflower

from the glowing light of the sun,

nor a moth headed straight to the flame,

you cannot seize its invisible reins,

nor the reed blown by the Eastern breeze,

whispering, bowing, to The Truth, The Mighty.

It was ordained and ordered as it was with me...

No - you cannot change my creed.

Belief was planted - so heed the seed.

For indeed - my heart does see. 

Protected by lids of flesh, divine layers, 
where it lies in peace - falsehood cannot breathe.

Truth lives, and is free...I'm keen to your deceit
But Rot cannot penetrate its certainty.

All praises to The Protector.

Allah. 

Alham-du-lillah!

For your guidance and for you I pray...

O simple minded human being made from clay - what you say

cannot make me sway,

Only! If Allah wills.






The Answer to 'Why?'



It's as if someone grabbed me by the shoulders

turned me around,

and said: "Look!"

To my surprise - I was off the straight path, into the weeds, and into the jungle - dark and unclean...

With no true guide, only using my sensory inclinations to decide - leaving me empty inside...

reaching out feeling nothing...swiping at risk and Satan's treasures,
only to have them disappear before sunrise - always melting before my eyes...
never full, never lasting - living on desire - jumping from low branches and then to high,

In that swivel, in that rotation, in that life transformation - a SNAP that was clean

I saw in that 180 turn a way in which I had not seen...


How to describe?

Sureness - peacefulness - the scavenger hunt was over.


Oh if you hadn't grabbed me by the shoulders,

nor nourished my heart?


Where would I be?


How to thank you for the clarity 

sirat al mustakim...!

the purest path on which to start.

Submission to You...For You my heart.






For the Heart

The four chambers of the heart ...nourish the flow and ebb between...

give and take and take and give.

Bending to the will of The Unseen

and yes, it's true - that they know

they don't control the ebb and flow.

The body they serve to feed...

 they cleanse and purify indeed!

The body does not fight the rush

of richness through the veins,

"STOP!"...it does not say to hush,

the pounding profound parade

Ourselves?

we trust

in it...

Divine!

What became before the brain or spine...?

Beating alone in an echoed womb...

be! - and there we were...

Be!

Yes...


How to...?


Be...goodfirmsoftlighttrueopenhumble...?

My heart never betrays -

on and on it beats my path...and yet it's me who chooses to stray!

And when I struggle to breathe in harms' way - my heart struggles harder to keep me alive...

(Support from where? Did you yourself decide to give ease to the flowing tides?

From where does its power arise? Contemplate...without compromise.)

It pumps on and on - in chambers - in song...with mercy that fills the space.

So when in doubt of your own heart...listen for the soundness of its make...

and know there in every breath or step or road that you choose to take,

Rely on it! For it has carried you through...no matter what there was at stake,

Oh believer,  take a deep look at your heart -

What will you do - for its sake?



Mecca

In the center.
In the heart.
There was a drum.
That started beating.
Rippling dust.
Of this world.
Through the -
crystallized atmosphere.
Lean in closer.
Ear tilted to hear.
It is here.
Where we turn.
Round together.
Facing One.
And the same.
The One with many Names.
Find us.
    Here.
In our Heart.
Of Mecca,                        (Come to yearn)
Far or Near.                     (Come to learn)
My Heart Sees.
The Truth.                       
You and Him.                     (Mecca awaits!)
It is clear.                           (It's your turn.)

There's No Shape for the Change in me...

Some poems from China (before becoming Muslim) written during fall '06...nothing is edited (save for grammatical errors). More poems might be up in the future from China, but here are three for now. Enjoy:

The Selfish Self
(Inspired by: a child in the subway with no arms)


My pocket only goes so deep,
So then I guess...
So does my heart.

I'm sorry I'm an American with a couple of pounds to spare, but got no change for me to share....
Only got green eyes and yellow hair pink grey sneakers that I wear!

But I swear...


I do care.


I'll give you a smile and a wave, as if that could somehow save:

The child moaning, arms burnt off,
a stub, a nub, an echoed cough
that travels through the holes in my head,
and I think this time tomorrow - this kid could be dead


Pity wasn't prepared and sympathy was sleeping.
Even the guilt that I felt - I was selfishly keeping.

Diverting my eyes,
Erasing my smile,



Foolish, but 'smart' to walk away,

and anyway -

by tomorrow I knew I'd forget today...




ONE EYED DEVIL
(Inspired by: Chinese villagers who lived in ancient caves...lived very modestly...yet still had flat-screen tvs)




One eyed devil everywhere.
Never winks. Always stares.

Even in the caves,
you Cyclops.
you Monster.
Taking the precious with your succulent sponsors,

Go AWAY.

Leave them ALONE.

They don't know the dangers you possess between the buzzing of your Technicolor shows!

Too much of you and we forget the earth

If we see the view through your flat eye we get -

Only half
of what it's worth.






Short Shorts
(Inspired by: Wearing short shorts and feeling embarrassment, questioning my values)


Culture gone lazy lemon sour,

Memories...!
Sweet with the taste of American apple pie,
Blue birds in the sky...

It's not too late.

(And) as the world laughs,

I look down at my short shorts and wonder -
if it's time 
we change.