How It happened.

(Note: to be read aloud 'Dr. Seuss style')


She looked up:

"It needed cleaning.

That heart.

Polishing.
didn't.
work."  






She had wondered as a child

why the people who went to church had smiles

She saw them smile and wondered why,

she wondered why...........................









Oh,
She was happy time to time.

But an easy one to cry.    

Had a hard time with goodbyes.

Unstable-
Not able-
to curb her temper

The cat would snap at a needle prick

and any which word would make her tick

Sensitive and so.............was never told which way to go

Oh a push and a prod and sometimes a nod

but deeper than that welcomed a silent charade.

Twisting and transforming, struggling through-

the years
trying different psychological grooves
...never knew what to do

testing life...sometimes pressing her spine out through her mind.

Smoky haze, wanna blaze?...temporary light that was never truly bright

A motorcycle ride would strike up in her different vibes...

doing anything at odds to keep herself [feeling] alive...

other than that -
what did life matter?
She dreamed of fame and while posing in the mirror would exclaim:
"It's getting late - better grab onto your fate"
and someday maybe she would be
"OH.
SO.
GREAT!"
...........but would she?
She would be famous and it would taste like frosted cake!
Flashing cameras in her face.
Ahhh the ultimate masquarade for the human race!
Had to keep up with her dreams, so with the flick of a light...
She lit up, and let those misleading notes play.... into the night...

But it never got better.
She never got better...
She got sicker and sicker - selfish soul seeking pleasure.

Now.


Just think of all that pressure....

Craving what she wanted, so she took great big dips...and fell many times into soul splitting abyss.

Asking: "Why did I do this, why did I fall?"but self justifying needs when she didn't need them at all!

"Oh the sorrow" she'd say when she thought about tomorrow...
but another day... Oh! There seemed like so many!
 "What of the end? There is no end! -
 to this wonderful life I'm living my friend!"

She thought she was queen - and what of The Unseen?
She only saw what she loved and her love was all vain
Took hours to get ready but she was never ready for change
A mirage of a spark - lost the blue in her flame.
And the others who came and went in her world while she burned
They thrived in it.
Died in it.
and eventually learned.



But they dared not stop her from the fire. (What fire?)

No. Don't want to stop what she's got.

Why stop lightening in action?
All reactions?
She was sizzling HOT.


Yes.


Some liked her for her beauty.

Others for her wit.

but ask about her heart...few knew what to do with it!

Kind here and there
She was 'trying on' sweet
but skipping quite fast to a chameleon beat.

She loved it and hated it.
Up and down - good to bad -
I tell you the extremes would have driven anyone mad!

Shame at her lack of a steadiness knack -
Nervous and timid - truth stripped from her lips -
she never could say the right thing - there was always a slip
...or a flip of the story...
Self. Satisfying. Glory.

Did she feel like the Victor?
Or maybe more like a self inflicted boa constrictor?

 This is the world's rhythm.
But she could never quite grasp
that it hovered and covered her
even when she was relaxed
for the world was her PARADISE
but imperfectly so...
nothing seemed to stay just as it was in her head -

so it drowned her instead.

Even when she was high,
and the sun was up in the sky,
she had to leave the mesmerizing rays behind after some time
 and she never knew why...
"Why can't these dreams stay on task?" she asked.
she wondered and wondered...

 Why the peace did not last.

But it was all the same with those who in which the world was surrounded
they ignored what was faulty - and lived on in the land
and she got to a point -
where she almost could stand it
Forget and forget "yes you can - yes you can!"
...though a whisper or two once in a while would demand:
That she needed an answer!
It was needed and still needed - but no nonononononoNO!

 It never was heeded!

Oh - and it sometimes crunched her to bits!
When someone was mean or she herself blew up in fits -
unexpectedly so (ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?)....
and so-
she couldn't hold back - when those fixed stares - nightmares!
erased her of wits-
("Did you call me a ditz?")
and so (and...so)...........
I look back and I wonder....



what if she never.did.know?



And one day it was the end of her end as a fake.
When truth wants to come out..?
It comes with a rake.
So it rips all your pride and strips you of face
...and shows you the demons that have infested your space.

Bobbing on a tube in her pool (contemplate.)
Normally happy to have been in that state,
Rewinding daydreams in sunshine
Living all in her mind -
Had it not been for a dull ache
that rose from inside...
a wave on the move -
and before she could refuse -
it burst through the door - (if there still was a door!)
and in less than a second she was crying through to the core!
With head hung down low - slung on that single rung....
Tears of guilt spilling until she was sunk
Oh it had been fun! Oh so fun!
To run into the sun - 'til the sun got tired - our toes' tips touching fire
and recklessly wreck up our bodies - twist all the wires!
What felt fine at the time-
wastedtimewastedtime.
Golden hair-golden tan - inverted on the inside.
Ahhhh - a gorgeous whelk that was spoiled - and had spoiled in the sun -
- nothing left to her shell-hell - empty as a drum.
Something with potential, but proving useless in this test.
Feeling the hole in her chest -
She did what was best
and so...

and so...

she finally admitted that she wanted to know.

Was this her?
No it wasn't.
It was painful - but true!
And action had to be taken - before she was through.

There's no burden that is given too much to take
 She had to let go - let it go (NO!)
YES! Admit the Disgrace!
She had made a lot of mistakes.
It was then she could hear the sound of her little heart break.
It sobbed and bobbed in the water - then sank deep in that lake...
letting loose: fracked, cracked, and cruel acts
finally facing the fact -
that she had been one wild train that had run way off its tracks...


Untamed bearing blame - she needed to claim back her name, and far from her mind
was that flash and the fame...

that 'wanting to be wanted'...'loving to be loved'...there was more that was
over. and
under. and
above.

The message descended.
She was delivered some guides -
and under their wings, she opened up inside
Accepting the final piece of the puzzle - most can't place it right
Force fitting nothing wherein was meant for Its Light
Leaving veiled hearts guessing only just slight...

One strong hold of that heart and it was taken on true course.
 It sailed over knowledge, and Truth, and The Books...
Absorbing decree
and the warmth in her cooked

And she never looked back...

she never looked back...!

She dropped the false act,
and she prayed and
she prayed for that monster...to never come back!

What a brave girl she was
you'd have to admit!
it wasn't the norm -
to sense in oneself - the impending storm.
To improve and remove - the greed and grit
To move past her past -  pull her soul right through it

Because Believe Me I swear
THAT HEART WAS SO WORN!
You may have seen her as whole
but inside she was torn
into pieces and pieces not finding the piece
or some peace - just repeats of disbelief - disbelief

*breathe*


And so did start her second morn,
and what a dawn ...
What a dawn.
With the Light on her heart, and Truth at her back
Her heart grew in size...
and is still growing at that.




One day she arrived at a good friend's side
she spoke without the familiar ingenuine disguise-
Not one ounce in her pride,
and she did not crave fame or any kind of a prize
A human at last - she was truly alive


 "You seem at peace."


Surprised, she realized -
Yes! In fact...
She had done what was written.
She had won her heart back.
Lifted up and shaken out of the black -
Void of vanity, spiritual death, and lust,
selfishness, carelessness, anger, and distrust...

It took her a moment...

but she smiled...and shined.


All her life she wanted to be found - but now
what. did. she. find?


The Final Answer to 'Why?'.


and so....

and so....


Someday you too, I hope you will know.





[End of Story]



"There is no God other than You, Glory be unto You!

Verily I was among the wrongdoers."

- Prayer of the Prophet Jonah (Yunus) while trapped in the belly of the whale.



“Those who believe and whose hearts find tranquility in the remembrance of Allah, verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find tranquility.” [Surah Ar-Radd: 28]

“The comparison of the one who remembers Allah and the one who doesn’t is like that of the living and the dead.” - Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) [Sahih Al-Bukhari]





[Start Song]


"When there's nowhere else to run
Is there room for one more sun?

One more sun...



If you can hold on..........If you can hold on..........

Hold on.

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know, no, you don't, you don't
I wanna shine on in the hearts of men
I wanna mean it from the back of my broken hand
Another head aches, another heart breaks
I'm so much older than I can take
And my affection, well, it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no!
Help me out!
yeah You know you gotta help me out!
yeah Oh, don't you put me on the back burner
You know you gotta help me out, yeah...




I got soul, but I'm not a soldier" - The Killers "All These Things That I've Done"






And in the end...I really don't know how It happened. (and so...)
God guides whom He wills...and God knows best.