Once in a while I wonder...
Do people who I used to know think I've gone mad?
I'm sure they don't think I'm weird because I was always weird...but...
Stop.
...Actually....you know what?
I have to lower my wings and think of it from their point of view without judgement.
I'm sure if all of a sudden some random close friend of mine from HS started dressing up in Hasidic clothing and quoting things from the Talmud and Torah...I'm imagining - yeah...maybe it would shock me. In an instant my brain would create a picture of what that kind of activities that person does, what kind of personality they have, or how they live their life...all based on biased unsound knowledge. I have to realize 'my norm' isn't everyone else's norm. I am part of a growing minority community now...I can't pretend people won't question or shy away from that...
A lot of people now through facebook and other social media probably just get shocked by the visual aspect of my way of life...and maybe some of the spiritual they can understand or probably just ignore (through posts etc.) but...it will only be in meeting me face-to-face that you'll sense the deep rooted positive change I've gone through (God-willing)....
(P.S. Unrelated - I would love to have a Hasidic gal friend...we could totally shop at H&M for long skirts together...this sounds sarcastic, but I'm serious - I kinda wish I had an Orthodox Jewish friend :-) No offense Christian sisters...I have so many of you - trying to balance it out here :-))
Anyways - I'm sure when ppl first saw my pics or heard about my conversion they were like...
"Oh NO! What happened to HOLLY?" *upset/worried*
or: "Dude - Holly became Muslim what the-?" *confusion*
or: "Ok......step away from the freak." *repulsion, rejection, and denial*
or..."She's extreme just stay AWAY!" *fear*
...I am not extreme by the way. I am trying to be extremely BALANCED in this life...that is all.
(Islam condemns extremism fyi).
Or some ppl may think I became Arab or something... just out of ignorance to what Islam is (...Islam knows no colors or race so no I did not get into some freak DNA incident... - I am 88% British Isles 9% Scandinavian and 3% other OKKKKK?)
Just like the Messiah - the Messenger of God - Jesus (peace be upon him) spoke Aramaic...Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) spoke Arabic - and God revealed their scriptures with their own languages so that the immediate people around them could understand the divine messages and so the Messengers could convey them more easily.......so no I do not have ties or loyalty to any Arab state...just as I'm sure most Christians in this country don't consider themselves Israelis because they are Christian and Jesus (peace be upon him) happened to preach in those lands. I am a Muslim (one submitted to the will of God) and I practice a way of life called Islam (submission to God). It is an Abrahamic tradition that considers itself the seal and completion of the prophets, messages, and holy scriptures of Judaism and Christianity.
That's it...all the rest...you know - is just bad media and materialistic fluff (especially the scarf on my head that gets all the attention ha).
Anyways.
My puzzled mind is just trying to wrap itself around the fact that I've...
I've lost touch with some friends. I'm sure not intentionally on their or my part (that's what I try to say to myself). Alhamdulilah (All praises to God) I have a lot of solid friendships here. I mean it makes sense - I live in MD now...most of my old friends live in NY or in other states - it's hard to keep up a friendship - even with all the social media! However, very, very few have stayed in touch. Yes, lifestyle differences - that could be it. People are also 'busy' every time you ask them what's up.
But I'm sure in my situation people must be thrown off by a combination of lifestyle differences and their preconceived notions of Islam. Yeah that makes sense...it's understood. I don't blame them. But hey - if you are reading this...old friend!!! Hello!
I am Holly. I chose a path...not a different identity. I chose a way of life, not a personality switch.
I was the one who wanted to be catwoman in 6th grade on Broadway (and I think to this day Anne Hathaway SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN CATWOMAN...I should've been ha - now, with slight costume alterations of course).
I write poems, sing...do theater, still (when I'm not mothering)!
Ask all my friends who are Muslim or non-Muslim around me and they will tell you ...'she's so random and bubbly'...Does that NOT sound like how I was before?
Don't be scared or thrown off by appearances...or maybe some posts on facebook you just don't get but you know what...that's ok. You don't have to get them. You don't have to like them. I don't think we can 100% 'get' anyone...even our own spouses or family members.
But you must accept.
This is who I am now.
First - I am Muslim.
Then - I am American. I like halal (permissible, clean slaughtered) turkey bacon (with that I make some tasty basil bacon burgers - Diners Drive-Ins and Dives style). I like bbqs. I go camping. I fish. I play guitar. I make some mean Turkish and American food (Come to my house! Gel! Gel!)...I love Jon Stewart<3. I love classic Rock n' Roll. I am a huge Hanson fan (yes - TayHanson4L die hard). I love taking pictures of flowers and nature. I am very interested in animal life, especially marine flora and fauna (ask me what it is...I might know. Example: the other day at a friend's house - her bathroom has all these sea creatures painted on the walls - and I heard my friend's son ask "Is that a stingray?"..to his mom. His mom said "Ask Holly teyze (aunt)" - I took one look "It's a Manta Ray").
Sooo do you guys think I could get my Masters in Marine Biology??? With a BA in Theater? ...........
(I asked this to my friend who was a Doctor - she laughed) but I say "insha Allah :-)". I am quirky...I am sensitive. I am inspired by many great Muslims out there...Muslim Americans like Hamza Yusuf and Zaid Shakir....Yasmin Mogahed......but don't be fooled by their looks or their names...!
All great people. All sane. All smart. All educated. All American.
[Being] American isn't just one look or one creed. I am an example of that.
We must open our eyes to different examples. Just take a look at American cuisine (dumplings, kabobs, pizza, tandoori chicken, pasta, burritos...a colorful menu!)
We can't just keep eating the same boiled rice, corn n' potatoes with meatloaf.
America is ever changing. Give it a chance.
However, it goes both ways. Just because Thomas Jefferson had a copy of the Quran or such and such Civil War (or was it WW2?) general said the Quran was a 'good and interesting book' doesn't mean you have to like it, too... I cannot make you like it!
(Thomas Jefferson also liked Mac n' Cheese. Score for me - we now have 2 things in common.)
But being Muslim does have its roots in America and in the American way (turn the other cheek...love thy neighbor as thyself...the golden rule...the 10 commandments? All Islamic values as well)...all the way from the beginning of our history (most slaves brought here were Muslims fyi).
Because I made a change doesn't mean you need to change. My changing is not a judgement on you - even if it may make you feel that way...and I'm sorry if it does.
Just because I don't drink or wear outfits like you (along with any other acts you may think Muslims would disapprove of)...doesn't mean I would judge you if you did!
Really!
As Muslims we believe God is The Judge. It's considered backbiting to judge someone else (Muslim or non-Muslim). I try not to do that...(though obviously as a human I do make mistakes). I can try to encourage you to make positive choices in your life - and I WILL NOT support something you do which is forbidden to me - but guess what? It's just forbidden TO ME - if you aren't Muslim - feel free to go ahead and live by your own rules (whatever those may be or whatever you base your morals on) - but I cannot judge you or your actions - that is up to God.
Back to the pt.
Maybe some old friends DO understand. In their hearts perhaps there's a sort of...'at least she chose a path' subconscious thought. Maybe it's evident to them that others around them don't know what path they are even on. Some people are just surface followers of a religion...or just floaters - giving and taking with what comes their way - giving into the trends, accepting traditions without questioning the meanings behind them, not thinking of others...not thinking of how this world will end......some old friends may recognize the deep seriousness of that reality and the lightness, clarity and strength Islam has given to me. God knows best.
When I say: "I know the truth"...it's not an arrogant statement - though it may come across as harsh.
Muslims don't think they are better than you. They just want what is better for you (sincerely, genuinely, humbly).
I shouldn't even be caring what other people think. I haven't until this pt. so why should I start now?....
I guess I just wanted to acknowledge that...'Holly becoming Muslim' has been the super HOT PINK elephant in the room for the past couple of years, and I'm sorry to friends, family, and foe alike for not coming out and saying something - and yet expecting you all to tag along for the ride and just 'understand'. It wasn't and isn't fair. <3
So of course you must've have come up with your own suspicions about me.....granted.
This 'Am I mad?' mentality reminds me of the time when the Final Messenger of God was almost starting to believe in his opposition's accusations. He was thinking to himself "Am I mad? Am I crazy?...Are they right?"...poor man. It had been a while since the archangel Gabriel had visited him with the revelation from God...so his enemies had started to taunt him, and as a result he had started to doubt himself.
Humans!
We are so convincing...we use the illusions of this world to our benefit and ultimately to our own destruction! Ah, but it is God who gives the final word...the affirmation...
Surah Al Qalam (The Pen).
"By the pen, and what they inscribe,
You (O Muhammad) are not, by the favor of your Lord, a madman.....
And verily, for you (O Muhammad) will be an endless reward.
And verily, you (O Muhammad) are on an exalted standard of character.
You will see, and they will see,
Which of you is afflicted with madness.
Verily, your Lord knows better, who (among men) has gone astray from His Path, and He knows better those who are guided.
So (O Muhammad) obey not the deniers,
They wish that you should compromise (in religion out of courtesy) with them, so they (too) would compromise with you. "
So there you have it. I am not mad - my friends and my foes.
Nope. Not mad.
Nope. Not mad.
May God protect us from the deception of others....from any doubt in His Wisdom...from our carnal desires and from evil whispers....
I want to make a shout out to all my friends and foes of the past and just say:
Peace and blessings be upon you!!! <3 <3 <3
-Holly (Holls) (Hollster) (Holl) (Kitty) etc. etc. etc. !!!
